Nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky...
Another fun Thanksgiving, full of feasting and family. It never hits me until after, though. You know, how I miss my mom.
For those of you who have never lost a parent (especially the parent you're closest to), imagine never being able to see, hear, talk to, visit, or call your parent. Ever.
Shouldn't time make this easier to bear? Shouldn't I feel better after the years, not worse? I still cry at least once a week. I still ache. I still think about her every day. Every. Day. Wishing I could ask her advice, or know a recipe, or hear one of her stories. Wishing I could feel her hug once more, or look at her doodling on a pad of paper while she takes a call. Wishing I could get her just one more Jamba juice.
When does it get easier? When does it get better? When will the feelings of overwhelming sadness and loss finally become manageable?
There is an ache in my soul that won't go away.
There is a love missing from my life that no one can replace.
I know I've posted this song before, but it is one of my favorite songs (always has been).
Dust in Wind
Kansas
only for a moment
and the moment's gone
All my dreams
pass before my eyes
a curiosity
Dust in the wind
all they are is dust in the wind.
Same old song
just a drop of water
in an endless sea
All we do
crumbles to the ground
though we refuse to see
Dust in the wind
all we are is dust in the wind
Now, Don't hang on
nothing lasts forever
but the earth and sky
It slips away
and all your money
won't another minute buy
Dust in the wind
all we are is dust in the wind
Dust in the wind
everything is dust in the wind
Comments
I lost my mother to cancer in 2003 and as time goes by the pain subsides. My advice is not to think about your mothers death too much. In fact, people don't die they just fade away, however they are never forgotten.
Oh I don't think about her death at all... I think about her and it hurts.
I lost my mom in 2001 to kidney disease. The pain does subside in some ways and in other ways, it always seems kinda fresh. As you know, my SIL's mom just passed away and that brought it all back for me as I thought about what they were going through in the hospital and the final moments, etc.....it just broke my heart to watch them go through the same pain...knowing all along what they were feeling.
And then there are other times when it doesn't hurt and I just smile and I think of her smiling at me.....think of her laughing at some silly thing in my life or that I did. I hear her voice a lot.
Our family has gone on....but is seems incomplete at times. My mom was definitely the glue and we have had to deal learning to keep it all together ourselves. Our families, if we don't keep them together, can scatter like dust in the wind. Holidays I find are the hardest as that is family time. But, wierdly enough, my birthday is the hardest day of the year for me....because without fail, no matter what, no matter if everyone else forgot, she always called me as it was a day about her and I together for the first time!
Missing someone is painful because we are focusing on what we have lost. Personally I am trying to focus more on what she left behind and what she gave me....and what I have gained for knowing her and being her daughter. And with all that said, one of the best things to do is to honour your mom with the way you live your life. She may not be here....but she is here, in you.
Beautiful lady. Feel all you need to feel. Cry every tear that needs to fall. Play that song again and again and then again until the cd doesn't play normally anymore. Laugh when you want to laugh. Rage when the time is right. Remember.
She mattered.
My Mum died this time last year. Every day has memories. My little girl IS Mum. They are precious recipe books now - the ones we scribbled her suggestions or favourites in. No more picking up the phone and talking to your Mum. That hurts.
I had over three decades of time to live, laugh and hug her and I regret each moment I wasn't there for her but at least I did have most of that time and I know now because of my little girl so much more about what we did share. The things I can't remember but ring a bell inside when I do the same.
For my little one I am trying to talk about her and to her (my place to talk to Mum is out in the garden most often) as often as I can - She needs to be real in our life.
Like you our family is reinventing the glue and working really hard at that. Dad is sad right now. Busy but sad. He only really let me see that when I asked about how their dog was - he said she's lonely...well I guess all I really wanted to say is that I care that you hurt and I'm sending you six bucket loads of courage.
Yours with a tear laden smile - Sal